Maks makes Bacon Cereal

Sunday, July 02 2006 @ 08:29 pm UTC

Contributed by: Billy

Yes, you heard right, Bacon Cereal. Maks, notorious for his bacony creations like The Ultimate Bacon Sandwich has done it again. This time he's created something that no one else has, cooked, chopped bacon, mixed with Bleu Cheese Dressing, and topped with "Baco's" of course! Hilarious! Thanks Maks! (PS - anything with a full pack of bacon is Supersized in my books!)


It's been well over a year since my Ultimate Bacon Sandwich waged assault on my arteries and I was past due for another bacon creation. I originally intended to visit the grocery store so I could make a wedge salad, but when I saw the 2 for 1 sale on all Oscar Mayer bacon products, I knew it was a sign from the bacon gods. The best parts of a wedge salad are the bacon bits and blue cheese dressing, so why not trim the fat? Pun fully intended. Warm up your skillet and read on.



I opted for the thick cut bacon for this project as it provides a better texture than the usual thinly sliced bacon. I chose this blue cheese dressing for it's spelling of "blue" which is typically spelled "bleu." I try to base most of my grocery purchases on literary content.

After patiently waiting for my skillet to achieve optimum temperature, I carefully laid out the first strips:

Extreme close-up:

After cooking, draining and lots of chopping, I was left with something that looked like this:

A lot of things go through one's mind when chopping up a pound of bacon at 10pm on a Saturday night. The first being "I really need a girlfriend," the other is the realization of how much work it is to make your own bacon bits. Luckily we live in a modern world where bacon is readily available in bit form.

Being that this is bacon cereal, I figured the bacon was the cereal and the blue cheese was the milk but it needed an equivalent of sprinkled sugar or sliced fruit. What makes an ideal topping for bacon cereal? Bacos of course!

Aside from the Bacos, this wedge inspired bacon cereal needed a little fresh ground pepper. My masterpiece was finally complete:

I used this transparent bowl so that I could take a cool sideview picture, well that and my regular bowls weren't big enough to hold a pound of bacon bits.

Just like those see-through human bodies at the museums, only with a much better aroma. And nowhere near as educational.

I ate spoonful after spoonful of my bacon cereal as I wasted my night browsing the web. It was at this point that I questioned my mental well-being:

I'm not sure how to describe the feeling of eating this. It was far worse than the Ultimate Bacon Sandwich. It probably compares to being electrocuted while having your wisdom teeth removed by a back alley dentist. My tongue burned with each bite from the sodium content. I was certain that I couldn't finish the entire bowl, at least not without severe intestinal repercussions. But, I knew that under no circumstance was I ever going to do this again so it's a one shot deal.

The last bite went down about as smoothly as a pile of broken glass, but I made it:

Once again I was left with nothing but a woozy feeling and a lot less self-respect. When will I learn?

E-Mail me: sjmaks at hotmail dot com

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