The Booze Pyramid

Monday, October 15 2007 @ 02:22 PM EDT

Contributed by: Billy

Everyone knows the Food Pyramid, but have you heard about the Booze Pyramid? Kristy was puzzled as to how one is meant to eat so many grains and cereals for optimum health, so she figured out a way to match this intake with booze! Beer is made from grain, so that's got to be good for you, right?


At the base of the pyramid, we have the Beer and Wine group. Because beer is made from grains -- much like cereal -- you can have plenty of servings of it. Beer is loaded with carbs, so it gives you all the energy you need to do active things. Like lift beer bottles. Wine is made from grapes, which are fruit. Now, you may have noticed that in the "normal" pyramid, it is suggested that you consume 2-4 servings of fruit a day, yet I have it in the 1-12 servings category. I am very glad you are paying attention.


The Food Pyramid

The Booze Pyramid

See, this is because "science" has not yet agreed on what a "serving" of wine is. Some say it's "4 ounces," while some say it's "6 ounces." However, other, more brilliant experts who are me say it's "a bottle."

Regardless, drinking wine provides you with all the health benefits of other fruits -- antioxidants, for example -- plus has the added bonus of making you seem very sophisticated even when it's making your lips and teeth purple. And grapes alone cannot do that.

Next we have the Mixed Cocktail Group. They're here in the middle because really, it's hard to gauge how many is appropriate for maximum health benefits. Some bars will serve a tiny little bit of liquor for several ounces of mixer, in which case 7 rum & diets makes perfect sense. In other bars, however, sometimes the mixed drink comes in a pint glass. And 7 pint glasses of booze might sound like a good idea, but I assure you -- you will see diminishing health returns after the 4th serving.

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